Adoption Support

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Thursday, June 02, 2005

Daily Question

Daily, adoptees and birth parents ask me questions like "How many people do you see rejected?" This is a question I really do not want to answer because it makes many people feel that they will be rejected because of my answer. I have seen, in the years I have been doing this, a total of eight people that have been rejected. Many times it is the birth mother that rejects the adoptee. I have seen the birth mothers say it is not them, and then later call me and say "I am sorry I lied. I am the birth mother you are searching for." We never know when a birth mother has been raped or something bad has occured. I recently had a man that was in his 40's come to me and he was so very upset because he called his birth mother and she stated she did not want to talk to him. Later, he talked to his younger brother and the brother talked to the mother and the birth mother stated she did not know how to tell the other children and that is why she did not want contact, but she loved him and always thought about the son she placed for adoption.
Rejection is very hard, but you will not know the answers to your questions if you do not at least try.
Adoptees sometimes reject the birth mother due to their respect for their adoptive parents or the hurt they feel being placed for adoption. I know what it feels like to be adopted and sometimes I ask myself, "Would I have been better off not adopted?" and the answer, truthfully, is I should be proud of being adopted. I had a better life, I think, with my adoptive parents. It is not always the case, though. Some birth parents are forced to place their babies up for adoption. I have seen this happen hundreds of times that the birth mother's parents thought it was best for the birth mother.